


Joined

by gracerene



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Barebacking, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Comfort Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied Alec Lightwood/Magnus Bane, Implied Clary Fairchild/Jace Wayland, Intimacy, M/M, Nightmares, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Platonic Sex, Post-Break Up, Post-Episode: s02e20 Beside Still Water, Post-Season/Series 02, Sharing a Bed, Top Jace Wayland, no infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-13 08:02:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13566291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracerene/pseuds/gracerene
Summary: Jace didn't want to be alone, not tonight.





	Joined

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place post season 2 with everything pretty much the same, except that Alec and Magnus didn't get back together. I love Malec though, and I think that comes through in this fic.
> 
> Unbeta'd

It was late when Jace and Alec stumbled back into the Institute, laughing a little too loudly and leaning on each other just a little too much. It wasn't like Alec to drink so much, but he figured he'd earned it after the day he'd had—watching demons swarm his city, Magnus calling him _Shadowhunter_ like there was nothing at all between them, feeling his _parabatai_ die. But the demons were apparently gone, his _parabatai_ was alive and well beside him, and Magnus...Alec tried not to think of Magnus, of the giant clusterfuck that was their current relationship, of the empty hole inside him that ached at his and Magnus's stilted conversation at the party. He'd wanted to say something, then, to ask if they could talk, but the words had gotten stuck in his throat, and Magnus had been pulled away by some Seelie girl, leaving Alec alone. Again.

No, not alone. He had Jace, Jace who was part of Alec's very soul, and who was suffering from his own romantic troubles. Alec wasn't quite sure why the hell he and Clary couldn't get their act together now that nothing was standing in their way, but those were problems they could deal with in the morning when they were sober. For now, sleep.

They staggered into Alec's bedroom, and Alec paused at the bed when he realized Jace had followed him inside. Jace's cheeks were flushed—though maybe that was just from the alcohol—and he looked down.

"Uh, can I—can I crash here tonight?" Jace's voice was rough, and he wrapped his arms around his chest as if to hold himself together. "I don't...I don't want to be alone tonight."

Alec's heart ached at the uncharacteristic show of vulnerability, and he nodded. "Yeah, sure, of course."

He changed into a pair of sweatpants, tossing another over to Jace for him to wear. He hesitated over the shirts. Alec didn't usually wear one to bed, but would it be weird not to, with Jace in his bed? He decided to let Jace make the call.

"Shirt?" he asked, holding up a plain cotton t-shirt.

Jace looked down at his bare, rune-covered chest, a chest that had featured in so many of teenaged-Alec's fantasies. Jace shook his head.

The two of them climbed gingerly into bed, arms brushing together as they lay side-by-side on the firm mattress. Jace's steady heat was a calming presence, and Alec felt himself relax back against the bed. The thrum of alcohol buzzed drowsily through his veins, and with his _parabatai_ safe at his side, Alec drifted off to sleep.

He woke to the sound of whimpering, a pathetic, painful sound that kicked Alec's protective instincts into high gear. There was a throb of pain in his chest, in the same place he always felt the faint tug of his _parabatai_ bond, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that Jace was hurting. Alec reached out to him, his fingers wrapping around the fever-hot skin of his shoulder, tugging until Jace rolled around to face him. His eyes blinked open, the terror in them fading as his eyes caressed Alec's face. The relief there, the joy, stole Alec's breath.

" _Fuck_ ," Jace whispered, his voice shaky and raw, before he reached out and clung to Alec with trembling arms. He climbed half on top of him, their bare chests plastered together, his cheek pressed to Alec's cheek. Alec could feel every tremulous exhale against his ear, and he wrapped his arms around Jace, anchoring him to his body, wanting to shelter Jace and do whatever it took to make him feel safe.

"It was so cold," Jace whispered. "I was so fucking cold, and I was all alone, and you...you weren't there." He breath hitched. "You weren't with me anymore, _parabatai_."

Alec's throat grew tight, his own body quivering as Jace's words conjured up the events of that day. The terror and agony of feeling part of his soul ripped away from him. The utter desolation of losing part of himself, of feeling Jace slip away and knowing that he couldn't do anything to stop it, that he hadn't been there to protect him. 

"I felt you leave me," Alec said softly. "I felt you go where I couldn't follow, and I thought I was going to lose my mind." He squeezed Jace tighter, his voice dropping to the faintest of whispers. "I'm not sure I could have lived without you."

Jace shook his head, his lips brushing against Alec's cheek. "No, no. I won't leave you again." His mouth slid across Alec's cheek again, more purposeful, fervent. "Tell me this is real. Tell me _I'm_ real. I still feel so cold, Alec. I keep reaching for our bond, expecting it not to be there. I feel...different."

Alec knew what he meant. He hadn't been able to stop grasping for the bond between them, testing its strength, making sure that it hadn't dissolved into nothing when he wasn't paying attention. "You're real, Jace. We both are. We're brothers, _parabatai_. Nothing will change that."

Jace nodded, and Alec could feel his desperation, his need. He nuzzled against Alec's throat, his mouth pressing and sliding along Alec's skin. Kissing it. Each press sent shocks through Alec's system, and it wasn't sexual, not really, but Alec still felt himself growing hard, felt honest desire at the feeling of a hard body on top of his own. He wanted to be close to Jace, as close as they could possibly get. He wanted to take Jace inside of himself and keep him there where he would be safe, where Alec could make sure nothing would ever hurt him. There was an ache deep inside Alec, a memory of the hole that had been carved out of his heart when Jace had died. He felt empty, and even though their bond had come back just as strong, he understood the need Jace was feeling to reaffirm it, to make absolutely, unequivocally sure that they weren't alone. They were one, he and his _parabatai_ , or perhaps it was better said that they were two halves of a whole. They'd been broken apart, and now Alec wanted nothing more than to come together, to make sure every part of them had fused back they way it should be. It wasn't so strange that the spiritual entwining might manifest itself more physically. Because the bond might be there now, but Alec had felt it wither to nothing. One didn't come back from that without consequences.

Jace's lips slipped up Alec's jaw, his cheekbone, before landing on his mouth. He kissed Alec, soft and sweet brushes of his lips, before his mouth grew more insistent. Alec opened up beneath him, letting the slide of Jace's tongue sooth away some of his anxiety. Jace was here, he was safe. They were together.

It wasn't until Jace fully slotted himself between Alec's thighs and began to grind down against him that the rest of Alec's brain came online. Pleasure coursed through him at the friction of Jace's erection against his own, but as good as it felt, Alec's mind insisted that it wasn't right. He would always love Jace, but he wasn't _in_ love with him, not anymore, maybe not even ever. And he knew Jace didn't want him like that, that they were destined to be _parabatai_ , to be closer than brothers, but not lovers. Jace had Clary and Alec had Magnus, and things might not be right between them all right now, but Alec had to believe they would be, had to believe he and Jace hadn't lost their chance to be with the people they loved. 

"Jace," Alec mumbled between slick kisses. "Jace, you gotta—you gotta stop. This isn't— _ah_ —this isn't you. This isn't us."

Jace pulled back, his breathing labored and his eyes large and round as he stared down at Alec. There was so much in his eyes, pain and fear and love and longing. It made something inside Alec ache to see it, made him want to pull Jace to his chest and never let him go. 

"I know," Jace said, his voice low and rough. "But I need it. I need to feel something, Alec. Everytime I close my eyes, it's like I'm right back at the edge of Lake Lyn and everything goes cold and blurry." He leaned down and pressed his forehead against Alec's, breathing deeply. "Please, _parabatai_ ," he whispered. "Just tonight, don't make me be alone."

Before Alec even consciously registered his agreement, he was nodding and surging up to meet Jace in another heated kiss. He could sense Jace's relief and gratitude through the bond as he kissed Alec back, his lips moving with skill born of plenty of practice. Alec could give Jace this. He'd give him this and more, anything he needed, whatever he asked for. Jace was his—his brother, his shieldmate—and he was hurting. Alec would do anything in his power to make Jace whole again.

"Anything you want," Alec promised as Jace kissed down the line of Alec's throat. "Fuck, Jace, what do you want?"

Jace didn't say anything, just gave a particularly purposeful grind of his hips. Alec's legs came up and wrapped around his waist on instinct, and Jace's eyes glowed hot. Alec's stomach flipped and his mouth went dry. It had taken Magnus and him months to get to that point, to where Magnus wasn't worried about hurting him or moving too fast, and Alec wasn't hung up on decades of internalized shame telling him what he wanted was wrong. It had been far too long now since the last time, since Alec had experienced this particularly ruinous pleasure, and though it wasn't the right person, Alec couldn't deny that he wanted it. Besides, Jace and him were already bound together in the most intimate of ways, their very souls entwined. What was this, compared to what they had already given one another?

"Yeah, okay," Alec nodded, his heart racing. "Just let me…" He twisted and reached for his bedside table, extracting a bottle of lube. Jace's eyes widened when he saw what Alec had grabbed, and for a second, Alec thought he'd misjudged, but then Jace was reaching for the bottle eagerly and reaching down to slip off his sweatpants.

Alec did the same, wriggling to slide off his bottoms before kicking them off the bed, feeling jumbled up and exposed. He'd never been with anybody but Magnus, and Alec knew that this time with Jace would be different. They weren't dating or in love, they didn't want each other the way Alec wanted Magnus. This was about comfort and belonging and a connection of spirit as much as bodies. He didn't burn with need and desire the way he did when Magnus was between his legs, beautiful and brilliant and _his_. But there was a thrum of anticipation beneath his skin, a joy at being able to give this to his _parabatai_ , an excitement for the physical pleasure Alec knew he'd find in it.

Jace wasn't slow or methodical like Magnus was when he prepared Alec. He leaned in to kiss Alec some more as his wet fingers slid sloppily across Alec's hole, before moving to slick up his dick. It made Alec wonder how many of Jace's girls had let him do this to them before, if Alec was the first, or if it was just the need for connection that was making Jace desperate. Alec didn't complain. This wasn't his first time, and he and Magnus had done this enough for Alec to know that he didn't need much prep, that the burn as he was stretched open was part of the exhilaration for Alec.

Their lips parted, just a millimeter, when Jace began to press inside. Breath mingled, hot and sweet, as Alec's body made room for Jace's cock. It stung—Alec knew it would given the lack of preparation and how long it'd been since he'd been in this position—but it was a good kind of hurt, the kind that promised pleasure if only he would wait for it. 

"Fuck," Jace groaned as he sank all the way in, his eyes squeezed shut as he took in deep shuddering breaths. Alec knew how he felt. He was flayed open and exposed beneath Jace, stripped bare of all his defenses as his and Jace's bodies came together as completely as their souls.

It lasted forever and was over in the blink of an eye. Alec almost felt like he was experiencing it in flashes, the hot pant of Jace's breath against his lips, the frantic thud of his heartbeat against Alec's chest, the sharp pierce of Jace's cock as he undulated his hips. It was different than with Magnus, intense in an entirely new kind of way. He could sense Jace's emotions, his desperation and love, how deeply he cared for Alec, how much he needed this connection, how grateful he was to have Alec as his _parabatai_. It was warming and humbling to get lost in the sea of Jace's tumultuous thoughts, to be the steady anchor that brought Jace back to solid ground. 

Alec felt his orgasm well up in him as if from a great distance, and the pleasure, when it came, was glorious, if muted. With Magnus, Alec never felt more present, more in the moment, than when Magnus's hands were stroking over his skin, his eyes wide open so that he wouldn't miss a single moment of decadent pleasure. Now, he came, and he enjoyed it, but it was hardly the point of it all. What mattered was being close to Jace, his brother, his _parabatai_ , giving him everything he needed, anything to make him feel safe and whole and loved. 

Jace buried his face in Alec's neck when he came, his hands twisting in the bedsheets by Alec's head as he ground in deep. Alec felt his release in his very soul, the force of his pleasure reverberating through them both in a comforting thrum. They both floated on it, on the satisfied buzz of their bond tying them together, as thick and strong as they day they marked each other as _parabatai_.

Alec shuddered when Jace pulled out, the hot, wet gush making Alec realize that, in their haste, they'd forgotten a condom. He shifted, uncomfortable, as feelings of guilt and worry battled threatened to derail his calm. Fuck, did they just ruin everything? What if—

"Hey," Jace said softly, pulling Alec from his thoughts. He looked up at Jace, still heavy on top of him. Jace looked content and calm—centered—and something inside Alec settled and quieted. 

"Are you okay?" Alec whispered.

Jace cocked his head, thinking. "I think so. Better, at least." He hesitated, before his lips twitched into a cocky grin. "Though I feel like I should be the one asking _you_ if you're all right."

Alec's cheeks heated and he pushed Jace off his chest, even as his own lips twitched into a small smile. This was more like the Jace he knew, bold and confident and reckless. It soothed the anxiety that they'd made a mistake. With their bond humming happily between them, and Jace smiling at his side, Alec couldn't regret it. Though he couldn't help his wince of discomfort when he shifted and the slickness between his cheeks made itself known. A pang of loss reverberated through Alec—Magnus always cleaned them both off with magic, afterwards, the tickling tendrils of it licking over Alec's skin in a sensual caress. 

He heaved himself out of bed, bending down to grab his pants and toss Jace's towards his head.

"Where're you going?" Jace asked. His expression was still mirthful, but there was a trace of nervousness around his eyes.

Alec quirked a smile and kept his voice light. "I'm going to the bathroom to clean up. I'll be back in a minute." 

Alec saw the faintest trace of color dust Jace's cheek as he ducked into the small, utilitarian bathroom next to his room. He wiped himself down quickly and washed his hands before pulling on his sweats and taking a deep breath. Sure, everything seemed fine just a moment ago, but who knew if that would hold?

He was still thinking about it when he slipped back into his room, walking to his bed on autopilot as he slid between the sheets.

"Stop thinking," Jace commanded, before wrapping his arm around Alec's waist and resting his head on Alec's chest.

"I just—"

Jace turned to look up at Alec. "I know you're a worrier, Alec, but you don't have to worry about this, okay." His eyes seemed to glow with conviction as he stared into Alec's eyes. "I promise. Now go to sleep. I know everything's a mess, but we can deal with all the rest of it tomorrow. Alright?"

Alec nodded, sleep already starting to tug at him as Jace turned back around, slotting himself perfectly against Alec's side.

"Okay," Alec whispered. "We'll deal with it all tomorrow."

**Author's Note:**

> [Kudos ♥] and [Comments] are fabulous! I'd love to hear what you think!
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](http://gracerene09.tumblr.com/)!


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